“Brexit’s A Musical Trick”

Yes it’s true – we have published the lyrics of a full-length Brexit Musical, The book covers events from early 2016 up to departure from the EU in early 2020.

Here is one of the songs from the musical.


An early working title was “Brexit the Miserable Musical” – nearly every song from the original stage show of “Les Misérables” makes a (very modified) appearance in “Brexit’s A Musical Trick”
The book includes the musical itself, and additional free-standing songs which mostly cover events after the illegal proroguing of Parliament.
If you are interested in staging “Brexit’s A Musical Trick”, or perhaps a concert performance (easier because you don’t need to learn the words) please contact us using the form below.
For the first group that undertakes to perform the musical , we will provide books with copies of the lyrics free of charge for all the cast, and will assist you as far as we can (advice, rehearsals etc) in staging the musical or concert.

Here is a preview of four of the songs, a synopsis of the first two Acts and the start of the last Act, and a list of the songs
Firstly , here is the conclusion of an early chorus, as several voter groups declare “We know what we’re voting for”.

DO YOU HEAR THAT WE’RE CONCERNED?

Secondly, here is the dramatic unfolding of the famous Chequers weekend

ONE DAY MORE AT CHEQUERS
Enter THERYLINE, GOVERT, LAUNDRETTE, VALBORIS and DAVID DAVINE.

In this song, all may wander around the stage, but THERYLINE is always on her own, VALBORIS and DAVID DAVINE are conspiratorial together, and GOVERT observes them from a distance, but with occasional comment.

THERYLINE
One day more!
Another plan, another Chequers farce.
At least I told them if they want their cars,
These folks I put in Cabinet
Cannot resign or not just yet –
One day more!

VALBORIS
I did not drive myself today.
How to get back if resignation?

GOVERT
One day more.

DAVID DAVINE
Tomorrow I’ll be off to play.
I’d had enough negotiation.

THERYLINE
One more day to bang the heads.

GOVERT
Will we ever meet again?

DAVID DAVINE
One more day of pointless wonder.

VALBORIS
I don’t want to be with you.

DAVID DAVINE
What a job I might have done!

VALBORIS
Will you wait until we’re through?

DAVID DAVINE
One more day till I resign!…………………….

GOVERT
Will you do what he does too?

VALBORIS
Do I follow when he goes?

DAVID DAVINE
To the benches of our freedom!

VALBORIS
Shall I join old David there?

DAVID DAVINE
You can come but please don’t whine!

VALBORIS
Do I go, so do I dare?

DAVID DAVINE
Don’t go today, you’ll lose your car.

VALBORIS & DAVID DAVINE
It is too far
To lose your car!

DAVID DAVINE
One day more?

THERYLINE
One day more to get agreement.
By tonight, sign up they should.
Then I’ll know that they support me,
In the House, they will be good

FARAGIER
She can ban a dither
She can hold them all.
Doesn’t mean they’re with her,
For the curtain call,
Here a little doubt
There a little slow;
Doesn’t mean we’re out
The way she thinks we’ll go

VALBORIS & DAVID DAVINE
One day to a new existence
Get the contracts for the jobs
We’ll express our resistance
We’ll express our resistance

VALBORIS
There are jobs with Telegraph
Better dosh than Foreign Sec job.
Do you hear my hollow laugh?
My place is there!
I’ll leave with you!

DAVID DAVINE
One day more!

VALBORIS & DAVID DAVINE
It’s been a drag until today,
So many briefs and bits of paper

THERYLINE
I‘ll reserve their lanky gofers.
They won’t go – they’d lose their cars,
And as well their swanky chauffeurs.
Any doubts, out on their arse.

DAVID DAVINE
One more day to have this farce.

VALBORIS
One day more.

VALBORIS & DAVID DAVINE
Tomorrow we can get away.
But just today we’ll say we’re staying

VALBORIS
One more day to resignation
When I’m home I’ll dump the car
I’ll regret this assignation.

FARAGIER
She can think it’s done.
And it’s all agreed.
She won’t get agreement
And she will be pee’d.

 VALBORIS & DAVID DAVINE
Tomorrow we’ll be far away.
Tomorrow’s resignation day.

ALL
Tomorrow we’ll discover.
What the papers have in store.
One more night! One more day! One day more!

DAVID DEVINE and VALBORIS exit arm in arm as they sing this. GOVERT exits.
Then a big letter arrives for THERYLINE (dropped from above)
She picks it up to read it.
As she does so another letter arrives.


THERYLINE (quietly, recalling)
“Tomorrow we’ll discover.
What the papers have in store.
One more night! One more day! One day more!”

Thirdly, with the kind permission of the heroic “led By Donkeys” quartet, their alter egos make a cameo appearance

Leave and Remain – Led By Donkeys

Inspired by: Red and Black 

Enter WILLEAU, JAMESONNE, BENNI & OLLYVERT
There are crowds of PEOPLE in the background and some OTHER PEOPLE too.

WILLEAU
Stoke Newington the billboards are prepared.
Hackney North, The Davis Upside’s up.
Students, workers, everyone
Can see what we’ve done.
With the spreading of the quotes
Everyone’s tweeting notes.

JAMESONNE
The time is here.
So near it’s winning the Twittersphere.
And yet beware –
Don’t let the boards go to your heads.
The establishment is a dangerous foe.
They may arrest us for criminal mess.
But starting from here there’s a long way to go.
If we’re accused then we’ll have to confess.
We need a fund – to rally the people,
To show them they’re wise,
And to show them the lies.

BENNI
Ollyvert, what’s up with you today?
It sounds as if you’ve had a thought.
Let’s Skype and see what’s going on.

OLLYVERT
A thought you say? A thought maybe.
A crowdfund site would set us free.
One minute live – and we’d be off!

JAMESONNE
I am agog! But can we stay
Anonymous just as today?
We kept it quiet just who we are.

OLLYVERT
We talk of needing all to hide.
With funding we’ll go nationwide.
We better choose to set the bar.

JAMESONNE
It is time for us all
To decide to go wild.
Do we fight for the right
To a night with a paste bucket now?
Have you asked of yourselves
What’s the price they may pay?
It’s not simply a game
For 4 Remainers to play.
The colour of these boards
Is changing day by day.

THE PEOPLE
Remain – for this they paste today.

OTHER PEOPLE
Leave – you lost, we told you so.

THE PEOPLE
Remain – the hope that we will stay.

OTHER PEOPLE
Leave – they promised we will go.

OLLYVERT
If you look at the fund
Then let’s see as we chose
That for the launch we start
With a target of ten thousand pounds.

WILLEAU
If you look at the fund
Then let’s see how it goes.
And if people will part
Between them with thousands of pounds.
And what was passed seems wrong,
And what was lost seems right.

THE PEOPLE
Remain – for this they paste today.

OTHER PEOPLE
Leave – you lost, we told you so.

THE PEOPLE
Remain – the hope that we will stay.

OTHER PEOPLE
Leave – they promised we will go.

BENNI
My friends it’s no longer just us.
We started small but now have funds.
On billboards we can show their flaws.

JAMESONNE
As to an unknown fate we’re whirled,
We strive towards a truthful world.
And now we have this urgent cause.

THE PEOPLE
Remain – for this they paste today.

OTHER PEOPLE
Leave – you lost, we told you so.

THE PEOPLE
Remain – the hope that we will stay.

OTHER PEOPLE
Leave – they promised we will go.

All exit.

And finally, here’s a song from later in the musical, as Boris ValBoris agonises over events.

SOLILOQUY – CAUGHT BY BENN

VALBORIS:

Who is this man?
What sort of devil is he?
To have me caught by the Benn
And then not let me go free?
It was the hour I thought
When I would triumph for real,
And now he has me caught
He thinks I can’t go No Deal
All it would take was a flick of the pen
To leave at Halloween but now I’m handicapped by Benn!

Damned if I’ll live with those rebels of mine
Damned if I’ll let them remain on this ship.
I am PM and PM is not mocked.
I’ll see rebellion, and withdraw the Whip.
There is no way that I’ll have appeal.
It is either my way or No Deal.

How can I now allow these folks
To take the order paper on,
These desp’rate folks that I have clashed with.
They gave me nought. They check my freedom..
They must be banished by my hand.
That is what’s right.
And it is best to do tonight.
So twenty-one get out of sight!

But was that quite so cute?
Was it my smartest wheeze?
Shall their sins be forgiven?
For I’ve lost those MPs!

And must I now fight on without
The votes of twenty-one Tories.
Cunnings was clear I had to do it.
Majority I once had is lost and broken.
Is Cunnings wise or is he dumb?
And does he know
In sending out the twenty-one
He may have killed us even so?

I am stumbling and I fall,
And the lobbies make me frown,
As I stare into the news
Of minority let-down.
Amber Rudd has gone as well,
And my Government is weak
Was this Heaven, it is Hell?
And I don’t know how to speak……..

The Musical cannot cover every aspect of Brexit, and there are some additional songs describing recent events, for example

  • We are Family (I’ve not got my Sister with me)
  • You Say ‘Delay’, And I’ll Say ‘We Go’.
  • No-Deal Wizard
  • Goodbye Speaker’s Green Chair 
  • Any Deal Will Do
  • Queens’ Speech (Honest Version)
  • You’re A Pain, You Realise That Nobody Trusts You? 
  • Bercow’s Yellow Hammer  
  • Somewhere the Dirt
  • Tories, they’re sending Lies to Me

Below is “Any Deal Will Do” on Youtube.


SYNOPSIS of the Musical

Act 1 Camerine

The MP Mr Grievous introduces the musical,
“So enjoy the presentation, which will all be done in song.
It isn’t finished yet and so we hope it’s not too long.
If you have opinions please tell us in case we are wrong!”.
The voters bemoan austerity (“Look Round”).

Boris ValBoris considers his options (“Do Or Die”).
(“Can I conceal the truth from everyone?, And lead this gang until the vote is done?
And must the cause I did decry, Be just my cause though there’s no ‘why’, Must I lie?”)

The voters start to consider how to vote. They voice their different interests but unite their various concerns (together?) on the line “We Know What We’re Voting For”.  Camerine and ValBoris discuss this. (“Now bring referendum twenty-sixteen on. My coalition with the Lib Dems is gone. You know what that means? Yes, it means you’re free”) ValBoris declares his intentions to Camerine. Voters consider whether they are in a fantasy world (“Brexitian Fantasy”). The referendum is held. “Leave campaign from the beginning, Made some claims that were not right. But it seems the scores show winning, For the Leave team?
That is right.
But now Dave you left so early, Something surely slipped your mind? You forgot implementation. Would you leave this task behind?”

Camerine nonetheless decides to depart, warning his Party as he does so. There is a dramatic confrontation between ValBoris and Govert. ValBoris rues his wasted chance (“What have I done?”).

The Torines nonetheless need to have an election (“At the end of the day we’ve a need for a leader”) and Laundrette drops out leaving Theryline as the new leader.

Act 2 Theryline

Theryline is caught with the notes for a speech in which she spoke for Remain (“It’s a hell of a speech”), but she tries to persuade Rees-Moggi and the Ergines that she is now on their side (“Well it’s true that I spoke and I spoke as Remainer, But I thought at that time that the Leave team would lose. Now I’ve moved into the Leave gang, No-one should grieve, Please accept my excuse”).

They decide to watch her carefully.  Her backers explain the importance of tax evasion. (“Lovely Tax Breaks”). They wear down Theryline’s resistance, but she still holds out for a transition period. She dreams about her fantasy Deal (“There is a Deal that can be done; I dream about that cherry pick; I’d like to do that deal so quick; My deal, so from EU we’ll run.”).

We then meet Faragier, with Widdy; he is making a song and dance about being in charge (“Master of the Spiel”). This seems to have very little to do with what else is going on.

The question arises as to whether Theryline on her own can do the Deal (“What to do”), which Lord Pannini QC opposes, and the Supreme Court determines is Parliament’s responsibility.

Having secured approval, Theryline gives notice (“Knowing me, knowing EU”), and Tuskine replies (“Go now go; and shut the door; Negotiate your trade deals, we won’t do them any more”).

Theryline sings about her destiny (“I saw the polls”) and what else she needs (“Strong and stable”). Valboris reflects on what then goes wrong (“A poll full of votes”). The DUP comes to the rescue. (“How do you do? We’re DUP; But you will need a pile of notes; If you’re still keen to leave EC; One billion pounds will buy our votes.”). Brexit is still a challenge. (“How do you solve a problem like our Brexit?”) .

Theryline plans to “Cut that Corboche down to size”, but the irrepressible Corboche bounces cheekily up. (“They laugh at me because I don’t have number 10 keys. They laugh at me because of low support by MPs. I tell them I have lots of support on the ground. The world is big but Labour people turn it around”). 

The queen is unimpressed by Theryline’s antics. (“Well you’ve buffered up One’s Ascot, One does not think much of that.  One attends but wears One’s mascot, Blue and yellow EU hat”).

Jamesonne, Willeau, Benni and Ollyvert arrive with paste buckets. (“It is time for us all To decide to go wild. Do we fight for the right To a night with a paste bucket now ? Have you asked of yourselves What’s the price they may pay? It’s not simply a game  For 4 Remainers to play. The colour of these boards Is changing day by day.”).

People march and sing seeking a Final-Say. (“Do you see the people March?”)

The Torines console Theryline (“Don’t Cry for Leave now you’re keener”) .

Theryline feels she has a plan with redlines, but Sturgene discovers the plan and threatens to scream “Indy referendum” if they continue, and that’s what happens. Corboche admits he would not be keen but that ultimately Sturgene would get her way with him. The Tories head off to Chequers.

In a dramatic interaction ValBoris and his pal David Davine consider how much longer they can stand Theryline (“One Day More” is their conclusion ).

But Theryline keeps looking to the stars and achieves her Deal (“585 page agreement”) even if ValBoris and his pal will fall.

Theryline is warned of an attack (“You as Prime Minister listen to this”) .

Theryline is wounded by the attack (“A little vote of Pain”). ValBoris is by her side.(“You think you’ll live Ther’line, I think I’ll shove, As you are in the job which still I’d love.”) and Theryline dies, but her soul leaves her body to run through fields of wheat.

ACT 3 Boris ValBoris

The Torines carry in a mute and apparently inactive ValBoris (“Bring him in”) and sit him on a chair as their new leader. They sing “Vote For Him, for days gone by”. Rees-Moggi reflects on this and decides “I’ll explain, to you, about Me”.

In a very frank conversation, he explains “I am the very Model of a Prejudiced Etonian”). Rees-Moggi is joined by some Backers, some of them Russian, and they sing (“Help us Out”) to ValBoris, who promises “We will be out by Autumn”. ……
……..

WE HAVE NOT PUBLISHED THE REMAINDER OF THE SYNOPSIS, TO AVOID A “PLOT-SPOILER” GIVING AWAY DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. STAY TUNED!
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Brexit’s A Musical Trick  – In 3 Acts

Brexit’s A Musical Trick – Cast

Brexits A Musical Trick – Act 1 (Camerine)

Prologue

Look Round – Austerity

Do Or Die?

Look Round – Voting

We Know What We’re Voting For

Referendum Twenty-Sixteen

Brexitian Fantasy

Hasty Referendum

A Man Such as You

What Have I Done?

Brexit’s A Musical Trick – Act 2 (Theryline)

At The End Of The Day We Have Need of a Leader

What Have We Here, Oh You Closet Remainer

Lovely Tax Breaks

There is a Deal That Can Be Done

Master Of The Spiel

Can The PM Give Our Rights Away?

Knowing Me Knowing EU

Response to Article 50

I Saw The Polls (Stable And Strong)

In My Life

A Poll Full Of Votes

Look Round and See (Carnage Of This Scene)

How do you do, We’re DUP

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Our Brexit?

Look Round and Ask If She Can Make A Plan

Labour People

One’s Mascot

Leave And Remain  – Led By Donkeys

Do You See The People March ?

Sturgene Comes Too?

One Day More At Chequers

An agreement running to 585 pages

You as Prime Minster Listen to This

A Little Vote Of Pain

Brexit’s A Musical Trick – Act 3 (Boris ValBoris)

Bring Him In

Vote For Him , For Days Gone By

I am the Very Model of a Prejudiced Etonian

Help Us Out

I Dreamed a Dream .

Here’s Some Russian Gold

Empty Houses, Empty Benches

There was a wise lady who tackled a lie

Voting, Voting

Soliloquy – Caught By Benn

Ain’t It A Laugh

It Is Passed

Bridge Over Doubled Borders

Do you see the people march – finale

Synopsis and Notes for the full Musical

Act 1 Camerine

Act 2 Theryline

Act 3 Boris ValBoris

Brexit’s A Musical Trick  – The Musical – Notes

Brexit’s Still a Trick not a Treat

Go Now Go Boris

Yellowhammer, Kingfisher and Black Swan

We are Family (I’ve not got my Sister with me)

Constitutional lessons from Eton .

Model of Restraint

Will you subpoena Obama ?

Horse to Talk

Effortless Superiority

Boris and Hungary

No-Deal Wizard

Goodbye Speaker’s Green Chair

Any Deal Will Do

Brexit Oddity

Queens’ Speech (Honest Version)

You’re A Pain, You Realise That Nobody Trusts You?

Bercow’s Yellow  Hammer

Everyone Wants To Get Brexit Done

So where it is, Merry Brexit?

The Twelfth of Never For Brexit

The Twelve Lies Of Tories

Somewhere The Dirt

As Smart As Farage?

Tories are sending lies to me,

Trumping the NHS

So Don’t Go

Reference

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