Covid-19 Musical

I Don’t Beg Pardon, I’m Talking B*ll*cks from the Rose Garden
also known as “Covid-19 Musical” (triggered by a similar suggestion to us by The Sunday Times )

Act 1 (Preparation)
Interlude A – Lockdown Shakespeare
Act 2 (Expedition)

Interlude B – Adapted Shakespeare
Act 3 (Prevention )

Interlude C – Adapted Shakespeare
Act 4 (Distraction)

Interlude D – Lockdown Shakespeare
Act 5 (Reflection, Retraction, and Reward of the Undeserving)

Inspired by Gilbert & Sullivan, Flanders & Swann, Shakespeare, the Beatles, the Who, Lynn Anderson, Tammy Wynette, David Bowie, Noel Coward, Bob Marley, The Archers, Youmi Zuma, Simon and Garfunkel, Diana Ross, CW McCall, Tom Jones, Queen, Men in Black. and several musicals and traditional songs, this album offers something for all satirical musical tastes.

Crowdfunder for the CDs

I Don’t Beg Pardon, (I’m Talking B*ll*cks from the Rose Garden)
also known as
Covid-19 Musical

There are some extracts below – typically about half a minute, sometimes longer – to give you an idea of what is on the whole CD/USB. In each case the song which provided musical inspiration, that we have adapted, is shown after the “/” character.
Now, ok, we have to acknowledge that Covid-19 Musical is not a fictional Musical with a consistent set of characters such as we have in “Brexit’s a Musical Trick”; nevertheless, arranging the material in a series of Acts, each with its own theme, gives a sense of the strange story of 2020. And The Sunday Times was looking to us for “Coronavirus the Musical”. We hope you enjoy this generally satirical look at 2020, with the occasional almost non-controversial offering (e.g. “Man Up, Mask Up, Protect Another Life’ in Act 3 – ah, hold on, what about the Mask-Haters? – well they should certainly hear what this song has to say).

Act 1 (Preparation)

Boris has got a Little List / Mikado – I’ve got a little list
Who is dispensable?
(As a treat to get you started, we have included fully 3 of the 5 verses of this song as a sample)

Ill with Covid / “Ill Wind” (Flanders & Swann)
Boris Johnson has mislaid his strategy. Has anyone seen it ?

Stay in Your House or Flat / Men in Black
The instructions are clear. But will people obey them?

Why Why Why Corona / Why Why Why, Delilah?
How to Respond? Buy more bog roll?

Interlude A – Lock Down Shakespeare

Here is not just an extract, but the entire half-minute “Lockdown Shakespeare” play, as a sample.





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Act 2 (Expedition)

The Ballad of Dom and Bojo / The Ballad of John and Yoko
How Boris Johnson made himself ill, and what happened next

Barnard Castle – Dom’s Ditty
A traditional Durham folk song

I don’t beg pardon, I’m talking B*ll*cks in the Rose Garden / I beg your pardon, I never promised you a Rose Garden
That famous “Tell All (Well, Almost All)” session in the Downing Street Rose Garden

The Extra Homes of Durham / The Stately Homes of England
Reflections on the advantages of extra cottages undeclared for Council Tax.
(The author takes the risk here of breaking into unaccompanied song. Should this be on the CD or not? Be kind. No, be honest).

Stand by Your Dom / Stand By Your Man
Sometimes it’s hard to be the PM, giving all your work to just one man.
But will you forgive him and stand by him when he is not true to his (sorry, your) rules

We’re Still Waiting / We’re Still Waiting..
… for the Russian interference report; as we were at that time.

Interlude B – Adapted Shakespeare

When Shall we Three Tweet Again? / When Shall We 3 Meet Again?
Truss, Gove and Patel scheme to take advantage

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Act 3 (Prevention)

A song of idiotic prejudice / A song of patriotic prejudice: The English the English the English are best (Flanders & Swann)
The original world-beating UK system nearly worked on the Isle of Wight.

Things that Will Astonish You / Sentry Song – Iolanthe
MPs forced-march around Westminster

Heroes, just for One Day / Heroes
Teachers can be heroes until they need to self-isolate again. Be Alert.

Man Up, Mask Up, Protect Another Life / Get Up, Stand Up
Our serious attempt to encourage mask-wearing

Second Wave Reflections / Second Wave
What do we need to do, thinking of Second Wave?

Interlude C – Adapted Shakespeare

Seven Ages to not Beg Pardon / Seven Ages of Man
The phases of Johnson

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Act 4 (Distraction)
Recapping on the Distraction and understanding how we got here and what happens next

Brexitian Fantasy / Bohemian Rhapsody
The original fantasy

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Our Brexit? /How do you Solve a Problem like Maria?
The insoluble problem

I’m just a girl who cain’t say go / I’m just a Girl who Cain’t Say “No”
(The song dates from an earlier year, but the matters considered leave a long shadow into 2020)

Any Deal will do / Any Dream Will Do

No Deal wizard / Pinball Wizard

Bridge Over Doubled Borders / Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Onward Brexit No-Dealers / Onward Christian Soldiers

Kent Convoy / Convoy

Britannia Waives the Rules / Rule Britannia

Interlude D – Lock Down Shakespeare





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Act 5 (Reflection, Retraction, and Reward of the Undeserving)

The Virus Cometh / The Gas Man Cometh (Flanders & Swann)
The changing strategy

The Archers Comment  / Barwick Green
An English country song reflecting on the omnishambles

Lords of Delight / Transport of Delight
Rewards for the Tory friends

Public Inquiry Nightmare / Iolanthe – nightmare song
Looking forward to the Public Inquiry. Keep looking.

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Track list and sequence to be finalised – the above list is illustrative.

Crowdfunder for the CDs

Please bear in mind:
1. We will make the first CD/USB (“Brexit’s a Musical Trick”) which is fully recorded, but needs to be mixed and mastered. The timescale may depend on progress with the crowdfunder, so may be later than the estimated date.
2.. Whether or not the second CD/USB is made (“I Don’t Beg Pardon”) depends on how the crowdfunder goes.

Below is a link straight to our crowdfunder because all information is there.

But Hurry ! -if you want to catch a pre-publication bargain, currently 3 books and 2 CDs for £25 pledge (or you can have it on USB instead of CD) – This is a pre-publication offer only — so hurry!

Here is the link to the crowdfunder

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