We have considered how some of Shakepeare’s plays would be in lockdown
TAMING OF THE SHREW
ACT 1. A room in Katherine’s house
and a room in Petruchio’s house
Enter KATHERINE and PETRUCHIO to their respective rooms
Alarums and errors
KATHERINE
Why Sir, I trust I may have leave to speak,
Even to the utmost, though I need a leak.
PETRUCHIO
Her lips doth move, her hand raise in salute
And yet there’s naught I hear – she is on mute.
Curtain
THE TEMPEST
ACT 1. On a ship at sea, whereat GONZALO and MARINERS, and at the shore, whereat PROSPERO and MIRANDA
GONZALO
While wills above be done, let death be dry.
What is that land which from our ship is seen?
PROSPERO (to Miranda)
The waters wild I made, and you know why;
If they land here, they’re stuck in quarantine.
The End
OTHELLO
ACT 1. In OTHELLO’S Chamber.
Enter OTHELLO, apparently alone.
OTHELLO
There’s none allowed in here, of that I’m certain.
And so I plunge my knife right through the curtain
To check we’re clear – oh, see, my dagger slid
And sliced through cloth and this chap who was hid.
Curtain (another one)
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
I clicked the mouse and hoped to have a greeting.
Has organiser failed to launch the meeting?
KING LEAR
ACT 1. In the offices of GONERIL, REGAN and CORDELIA
GONERIL
Which one of us can call? You know the rule.
REGAN
There’s only one allowed with that old fool.
CORDELIA
One daughter only meets within his bubble?
GONERIL
You go then, sis, for us, he’s too much trouble.
Curtain
TWELFTH NIGHT
ACT 1. At the Court of Count ORSINO
Enter ORSINO and MALVOLIO
ORSINO
If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that surfeiting
The Spotify may sicken and so die;
We’ll have the Daily Briefing by and by.
MALVOLIO
We’ll hear those vile statistics; nothing more.
And yet they plan to send more shock and awe.
The news we have today’s already shocking;
I think I’d better wear my yellow stocking.
Curtain
HENRY V
ACT 1 . An ANTECHAMBER in the KING’s PALACE
Enter KING HENRY and.
ARCHBISHOP OF CENTERBURTY is on zoom.
KING HENRY
Prepare the boats and make our way to France!
ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY
The ports are locked – you haven’t got a chance.
KING HENRY
Once more to the box sets, dear friends, once more.
What can we do at home within the law?
Curtain
HAMLET
ACT 1. The quayside
Enter POLONIUS and LAERTES.
HAMLET is hid.
POLONIUS
Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any quickly furloughed one the work.
Be thou attentive, but by all means distanced.
The friends thou hast, if they have zoom installed,
Save thou their contacts so you’ll call at will,
But do not dull thy wall with entertainment
Of each new-made, unchecked, Face Friend. Beware
Of entrance to a tweet-storm, but, being in
Share it, that the opposed may beware of thee.
For every one you follow, read their tweet;
Note each one’s rantings, but hold back your post.
Dress well above the waist, for that is seen;
But trousers matter not – they’re out of sight.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
As Lockdown day’s good credit’s lost that night.
This above all – your profile should be true,
So they will follow, and subscribe to you
HAMLET
He writeth to Laertes, not to me;
Forgot he that I was still in cc
Curtain
ROMEO AND JULIET
ACT 1. At Juliet’s balcony
Enter JULIET to the balcony, with smartphone.
Enter MERCUTIO to the street below checking statistics.
MERCUTIO
Broad is the band
JULIET
Through which our words may flow.
I’m waiting here, wherefore art Romeo?
ROMEO
Provided I my details all to Zoom;
Becalmed am I within the Waiting Room.
JULIET (admits ROMEO)
Ah your sweet face! I never see your trousers.
ROMEO
The network fails!
MERCUTIO
And plague’s hit both your houses’
ZOOM
Before you go, we trust that you will rate us.
JULIET
The call hath died, be that its only status.
ROMEO
And frankly I’m more worried at our fate as
Our hospital’s run out of ventilators.
Curtain
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